Crazy Stupid Love
by I'mThatGurl222
Summary: Barbara breaks up with Dick Grayson. Harley leaves Joker for the umpteenth time! When they meet at a bar they begin a secret and steamy relationship that may get too much for them to handle! Can they succeed? Will someone find out? Why am I asking you all these questions? FIRST STORY! R&R! BarbaraxHarley!
1. Legally Love-toxicated

**Disclaimer: I do not own Batman: the Animated Series**

**I'm so Excited! My First Story! Don't Shoot! **

**Okay so, this is a story about Barbara Gordon and Harley Quinn, and...yeah I'm not really good at this yet. Constructive Criticism is appreciated...no flames please.**

"**Crazy, Stupid Love" **

Chapter 1: Legally Love-toxicated

Batgirl changed out of her costume, she and Batman had just finished a seemingly routine night of patrolling, but not everything was all that it appeared to be. For deep down, Barbara Gordon was not her usual perky self.

"It'll take time for Joker to resurface. But from what I know, Harley walked out on him again, so that gives us a good two weeks of slow activity." Batman explained

"Ooh, again?" Batgirl asked with no enthusiasm

"You know what I mean, he needs someone like her to assist in building whatever scheme he's come up with in his sick little mind." Batman continued

"Yeah sure, I guess." Batgirl sighed.

"What's eating you?" Batman asked, uncowling

"Um...nothing, d-don't worry about it Bruce." Barbara stammered

"If it's about you and Dick-"

"I'll get over it. I said don't worry about it." Batgirl insisted getting more and more agitated

"I know I'm not one for romantics, but maybe there's something I can do." Bruce insisted

Batgirl walked behind the small changing area to turn into her street clothes, still equally agitated

"Ha! What do you know about love and relationships?" Barbara asked. She walked from behind the curtain. "I swear you'd marry your work if you could. And besides, were over, it's done I'll deal with it!"

"I happen to know more than you ever will about love." Bruce insisted

"I'll believe that when I see it. If you need me I'll be anywhere but here."

The redhead stormed up the stairs into Wayne Manor, while Bruce remained, shaking his head at the temper tantrum he was forced to witness. Upstairs, Barbara stomped over towards the front door, only to be stopped by Alfred.

"Done so soon?" the butler asked

"Slow evening." Barbara hissed, still walking

"You know Miss Gordon if this is about you and Master Dick-"

"Oh my God! The sooner people stop bringing him up the sooner I can be normal and happy again!" Barbara sneered

"I was just going to say, it's his loss, now while you stew over that, I'll serve Master Timothy his dinner, in hopes his cold might improve, good evening Miss Gordon." Alfred nodded, heading for the stairs.

"Um...thanks." she said in a whisper.

Barbara exited the large and Gothic manor, greeted by the torrential downpour of rain, and lots of it. Perfect ending to an awful day. Barbara screamed loudly, then dashed to her car, and made her way down the hill.

It is true, Barbara Gordon and Dick Grayson aka Nightwing had broken up, and the end result was not pretty. The couple always seemed like something out of a fairytale or The Notebook, and then one little insignificant fight turned everything upside down. This left Barbara both sad and lonely, mostly because she pushed all the help and solace she needed away.

The crime-fighting redhead did all she could to fight back the tears as she headed to her apartment building. She wept through the parking garage remembering the bar at the basement level, the one place where Barbara could find all the solace she needed...

Through binge drinking.

It was around one in the morning, on an early Tuesday morning so the bar activity was at a relatively controlled and otherwise quiet pace. The skirt wearing redhead took her place at the bar and slammed her ID on the counter, where the bartender, a nice bald man in his later 50's drying a glass took her order.

"What'll it be miss?" he asked

"Long Island Iced Tea, spare nothing." Barbara said dismally, leaning against the table.

"Coming right up."

Coincidentally, another woman entered the bar through the street level looking equally sad, but even more soaked than the redheaded crime-fighter, she took a seat on the opposite side of the bar, her and Barbara the only ones at the whole row. The bartender walked over to the other woman

"What can I getcha?"

"Whatever it is better have enough alcohol to turn my throat into a flame-thrower." she sighed sadly in a very noticeable Queens accent.

"Not a problem." the bartender nodded.

Well, one o'clock quickly turned into one thirty. In those thirty minutes Barbara's Long Island Iced Tea turned into two Long Island Iced Teas...then three, then four, and five...and six. The other girl had similar results, her Amaretto Sour turned into three additional shots of gin, then a shot or two...or four of tequila, then a chaser of Bacardi 151...which after all that it might as well have been.

By then, it was safe to say both women were fairly drunk, when they finally noticed each other across the bar, Barbara was the first to slur. While also trying not to fall off of her bar stool, spilling her seventh drink.

"Nice pigtails! Hey barkeep! Check her identrifrication! She's not 21! Not with tails like that!"

"Piss off! I'll...have you know I am twenty...uh-t-t-twenty...uh." she counted on her fingers "Oh who cares it's more than that!"

"I'm sorry I didn't-didn't mean what I just said back there to you, I'm-I'm just, one of those days." Barbara sighed, finishing her drink.

"Aw, me too." The woman moved over to Barbara.

That woman was none other than the clown princess of crime herself. Harley Quinn. Dressed in street clothes, and filled with enough liquor to satisfy a frat party for a good hour or so. The two woman started to make drunk talk.

"W-what happened-you can truss-m-me, I'm a doctor-but not that kinda doctor-the other one...for your brain, I'm whatcha call a peesychiatrisht." Harley slurred

"Me stupid-stupid boyfriend broke up wit me, and I don't even know why." Barbara began to sob.

"Oh well-it can't be worse than my-stupid boyfriend!" Harley yelled "Barkeep!"

"Yeah?" the bartender asked raising an eyebrow

"Martini-hey you wants a martini?" Harley asked Barbara

"Oh so much."

"Two martinis shaken not stirred-SO HELP ME IF IT'S STIRRED!" Harley yelled

"Coming right up." the bartender begrudgingly made their drinks.

"So what-did...uh-d-d-did-"

"My boyfriend do?" Harley asked finishing the sentence

"That's the word."

"You first." Harley insisted

"No, you first." Barbara playfully insisted back

"No you."

"You."

"You."

"You-"

"ALRIGHT!" the bartender finally intervened, he served them their drinks, then flipped a coin. "Pig tails goes first."

"Yesssssssss!" Harley cheered "Okay so, he's so mean to me, I work, and I clean, and I'm nice, I do every-e-everything right-but he doesn't care-nothings ever good enough for him, and then, he kicks me out!"

"What a bastard!" Barbara said angrily

"And that's not all folks!" Harley continued "He beats me...and-and-and-and-doesn't like it when I hang out wit my fwiend-and-annnnnd-he's pasty faced jerk!" she finished

"Wow, my boyfriend is just controlling and stuff, and broody and miserable...kinda like my uh...boss-but yours sounds like a total jerk!" Barbara clanged her glass to the counter

"Oh but thass so sad, you and your boyfriend breaking up." Harley nodded

"I know, men suck!" Barbara hissed

"And how!"

"I-I, me-I, need more girlfriends." Barbara slurred

"GASP-I can be your friend, I'm a girl-I get the periods and everything!" Harley cheered

"Oh that would be sooooooo nice." Barbara joined in cheering "Hey we...we shouldn't go, driving, too much rain-less go to my apartment place."

"And have a sleepover?" Harley asked

"Of course!"

"Yay-oh yeah, we should...pay first or something." Harley remembered

"Oh you've been so sweet, I'll pay." Barbara insisted

"No I'll pay." Harley countered

"No I'll pay."

"I'll pay-"

"No me."

"No me-"

"GO DUTCH!" the now livid bartender shouted

"Dutch is cool." Barbara nervously agreed digging money from her purse

"Love their strudel." Harley added doing the same.

The two drunks threw their money on the table. The bartender looked it over and in fact they had paid just enough for their drinks, with no tip.

"What, no tip?" he asked

"You wanna tip? Here's a tip for ya bub-phhhhhhhhhhhhhbt!" Harley blew a raspberry at him. The two drunks held each other up as they tried to make it to the elevator.

"Ya-ya-ya-ya know, ya never did tell me your name?" Barbara asked

"Oh well, I-I shouldn't be telling ya this, but since were friends now-and stuff...I'm Harley Quinn-but call me Harley, everyone does...I hate it, it's a stupid name!" Harley slurred, the two got in the elevator.

"Well I KNOW I shouldn't be telling you this...but, I'm Batgirl." Barbara whispered, getting very close to the blonde who isn't really a blonde.

Harley then did something a tad unexpected, she clasped Barbara's waist., and the two were now very close against one of the walls of the small elevator that definitely was not getting any bigger. They both started to sweat, and get tipsy.

"Well now, that's...t-t-t-t-t-thass quite a ball dropper-ya did there, with the words, you said...there."

"I know...I'm feeling...sssssssso frisky-right now, you-you've been so nice." Barbara explained

"Really?" Harley raised an eyebrow

"Yeah, I was having the shitiest evening not...some time ago-but you...you've made it so much better."

Harley then paused for a moment.

"You uh...wanna make even better?" she asked

"Yeah."

"Like a night you'll never for...uh-"

"Forget?" Barbara asked

"Thass a word!"

"Totally." Barbara nodded

"Good."

With no other warning, Harley's intoxicated lips smashed right into Barbara's equally intoxicated lips. At first the redhead was a tad reluctant to welcome the tongue arousal that just assaulted her, but in a moment or two the alcoholic bliss took over and the heroine kissed her back, this time with tongue.

They started to swap spit for the rest of the elevator ride, when it opened, they kept at it, not breaking the kiss as Barbara gave it the old college try in getting the couple to her apartment. Once they finally reached the door, Barbara's hands took turns caressing Harley's ass and searching for her own keys.

Eventually they made it inside, running into walls, the kitchen, smashing into anything and everything possible still not breaking their embrace, whilst Barbara tried to navigate their way into her bedroom. Which took some doing but they succeeded.

They plopped down with a lugubrious thud. Harley was on top of Barbara, straddling her tight and toned body. Their kiss finally subsided, and the blonde villain looked down at her new potential lover with an evil grin.

"Wow...that was great." Barbara smiled

"Baby were juss getting started...here...lemme show you what girls actually do at slumber parties." Harley took her shirt off and the two went back at it.

**Well, and there be the first chapter toonsters! Do you like it? Hate it? Should I continue? I must know!**

**And on that note:**

**Happy belated Hanukah!**

**Merry Actual Christmas!**

**And happy pre-lated? Is that the word? Whatever, Happy-that Kwanza!**

**(I'm not all that politically correct!) Until next time PEACE!**


	2. That Next Morning Feeling

**Here's chapter 2 and all that jazz!**

**Chapter Content: language, kissing, nudity, no sex**

**Numbervania: I thank you for your interest**

Chapter 2: That Next Morning Feeling

Needless to say Barbara got a good nights sleep for what it's worth. Though she woke up with what arguably could be debated as the worst hangover in the history of forever. Before opening her eyes she turned over towards the bed and got a face full of Harley hair.

That's when her blue eyes shot open, and reality quickly set in. Barbara suddenly realized just how close she got to perhaps one of her greatest enemies. A little too close. The clown girl was still very much asleep, with her arms wrapped tightly around Barbara's waist. Even if she wanted to run, she couldn't, not without waking Harley. Plus, it is her apartment in the first place.

All the redheaded heroine could do was get the visions of last night back into her head. They were mostly very hazy but she did eventually remember letting out the biggest secret she had to one of the people she should never have told. And if anything, the very true fact that she made love to another woman kept knocking it's way around her head as well.

Then as of on cue did Harley awaken, with a cute yawn. She took a moment to pull her head away from Barbara's breasts, stretched her hands out from Barbara's waist and then just looked at the awkwardly smirking girl.

"Good morning sleepy head."

"Heh-heh, morning." Barbara said sheepishly

"Boy was last night great, too bad I don't remember most of it." Harley added much to Barbara's relief. Harley then turned over with another smirk "The sex however, I remember quite well." she winked.

"Yay." Barbara sighed with just a hint of sarcasm

"Ugh, how much did we drink last night, my head is killing me, God it hurts-whoa-!" Harley then rolled off of the bed, and made a thud on the floor "But not as much as that." she groaned, pulling on the bed to stand up "I'm okay."

When she stood, it gave Barbara a chance to gaze, reluctantly anyway, at her body. Harley had a very cut gymnast's body, with perky D-cup breasts, tight clit, and a well sculpted ass. The pig tailed villainous blatantly teased Barbara, doing some stretches.

"Um, you...certainly take good care of yourself." Barbara chuckled nervously "So, just out of curiosity, what do you remember from last night?" she asked

"Oh well let's see." Harley started to think "Wow it hurts just thinking about it-well there was you...and drinking...drinking-drinking-complaining about my boy-ex boyfriend...uh...then sex. Which reminds me." she jumped on the bed and went to cuddle with Barbara "I got to know you very well last night, but ya never did tell me your name...or at least I think you did, but I forgot."

Barbara sighed happily, she might have played some very sick games with Harley, but at least she forgot she was Batgirl

"Barbara...my name is Barbara."

"Oh that's a cute name-hey it beats Harleen." Harley shrugged

"Which reminds me." Barbara tried to make it look like she was just any old girl "Don't take this the wrong way-but, it's kinda...foreboding knowing...I just fucked a criminal."

That made Harley frown. She sat on the end of the bed and hung her head, her pig tails became droopy. She sighed

"So that's how it is huh? Typical. I'm always just that psycho...criminal to people." she raised her head, and became more enraged "All because of him." she hissed

"You mean the Joker?" Barbara raised an eyebrow

"Yeah." Harley turned her head to face Barbara "I could have still been a doctor at that joint, and somehow...that-that-jerk, ruined it for me...my only friend is half a plant...I got Batman on my case 24/7, I'm wanted in so many places people in rural Wyoming know who I am-do you know how many people actually live in Wyoming?" Barbara shrugged "Well it's not a lot." she hung her head again "All cause of that stupid-stupid clown." then Harley started to cry

That's when Barbara felt a tad guilty. Until last night she has always dealt with Harley on a professional level, and that level was crazy, deranged, psychotic-hopelessly in love with the Joker who would do anything for him, even put her own life in jeopardy. But this Harley was different; soft, sincere, loving...and hot. Barbara couldn't necessarily tell if she did have a sexual attraction to the blonde, but she was about to find out. She crawled over to her.

"Aw, I'm sorry Harley-I didn't mean it like that." Barbara insisted

"But you don't wanna be associated with a criminal...I get it." Harley sighed, standing up "I'll be out of your hair, just...try to call the cops after I leave okay." she went for her clothes.

Now Barbara really felt guilty. She had to bite the bullet on this one, the poor blonde just looked too sad and pathetic, and perhaps; maybe she could have been the one to reform her, but that would mean sacrificing her innocence, like she had any left as it was. Barbara quickly guarded the door.

"I can't let you go." Barbara insisted, this surprised the blonde

"Really?" she raised an eyebrow. Barbara approached her

"I had a really great time with you last night...I can't just let you walk out on me." she grabbed Harley's naked waist "Maybe I-I do like you...but if we do this...you...you have to promise me you'll never go back to Joker...and you can't tell anyone about us." Barbara began to stroke Harley's chin.

"You...you won't leave me?" Harley asked

"Never."

"Well, I doubt Red will mind sharing me...Were more like 'just friends' anyway." Harley responded by rubbing Barbara's nude waist.

"You know, I-I-I never pictured you to be the lesbian type." Then Harley smirked

"The feeling is mutual...Batgirl."

With no more warnings, Harley kissed Barbara's surprised lips, evidently she did remember the unspeakable thing said in the previous evening. As hot and passionate as the kiss was, Barbara couldn't wait to end it in order to get an explanation, and after what seemed like an eternity, she would get her chance.

"W-W-What?" she asked surprised

"That's just one things ya never forget, no matter how shitfaced you are." Harley gently stroked Barbara's cheeks. "Don't worry baby, it's safe with me." she then gave Barbara another quick kiss.

"Well, since that cat's out of the bag, we gotta set some ground rules." Barbara demanded

"Like what?" Harley asked

"Well...I-I guess it would be hopeless to tell you no more crimes, you living with Poison Ivy and all. But...-"

"Ya know, Red and I basically steal things...I could...'forget' to take those things...provided a certain...love interest lets me go." Harley winked

"...I can deal with that." Barbara agreed "And no Joker." she said adamantly

"As long as I have you...I don't need him." Harley cooed

"You sure? You don't exactly have a good track record with keeping away."

"Hey, I've never felt this way around anyone else before...plus if it's any consolation I'm sick of men, I've been fucked better by you and Red way more than that clown, he's small." Harley chuckled

"Wait-wait-wait." That caught Barbara off guard "Ivy's a lesbian?"

"You should see her Playboy collection." Harley winked, then pecked a little at Barbara's neck

"Okay-okay, back to the task at hand, no Joker."

"No problem." Harley insisted

"You know he'll want you back eventually." Barbara reminded her

"Screw him, besides; it takes him to remember he needs me anyhow. The first time I left him, he didn't even realize until Red and I made he papers, or he needed his socks washed...I forget which." Harley shrugged "So, more rules?"

"Uh-that's all I got." Barbara shrugged "do you have any ground rules?"

"Um...uh...I dunno, you're too much of a goody-goody to be a flight risk, no offense."

"How do you know I'm a goody-goody?" Barbara asked raising an eyebrow

"Ha! Don't tell me you have any vices...do ya?"

"Well...not really no." Barbara frowned

"Then I guess I got none." Harley smiled, petting the redhead's head

"Now...how I be sure you won't run off to the Joker the second you leave?" Barbara asked

"What you don't trust me?" Harley asked.

Barbara flashed her a smirk that read 'No fucking way'. Harley couldn't have that

"You have a car?" Harley asked

"Yeah."

"Alright, get dressed, were going for a ride." Harley smiled

"It's not to a gun shop is it? It's a policy of mine, Joker may be a creep but I don't want him dead." Barbara said begrudgingly

"No-no, nothing like that, just get dressed." Harley insisted

"Okay." Barbara shrugged

The two got dressed, or more like, dressed one another, which Harley especially got a kick of, being able to play with Barbara's censored parts to make her blush. The held hands, and Barbara led them outside to the parking garage, and began their journey. Harley gave the redhead directions.

"Where am I going?" Barbara asked

"46th and Hayden, just below Midtown." Harley explained

"Alright." she started driving

"Okay Babs, you gotta tell more about yourself besides a first name...and a nightly profession." the clown princess insisted

"Well my last name is Gordon, I've lived in Gotham my whole life-"

"Whoa-whoa-whoa...whoa." Harley interrupted "Gordon? As in...Commissioner Gordon?"

"Yeah he's my dad."

"Oi...and I just deflowered his daughter." Harley sunk in her chair "No wonder we have to keep this a secret."

"Yeah if he found out he might kill you." Barbara assured her

"Double oi."

"Don't worry I'll be right behind you, if he ever found out I'd be just as sunk."

"Well, that's positive I suppose." Harley shrugged "So, ya ever gonna tell me whose under B-man's cowl?"

"Sorry, I can't do that." Barbara shook her head

"Riiiiiiiiight, I gotta fuck it out of you is that it?" Harley raised an eager eyebrow

"Um." She was right about that, so Barbara had to lie "No I mean I can't do that cause I don't even know, we deal with each other on the streets."

"Suuuuuuuuuuuure that's it, don't worry kid it's probably better I don't know anyhow...it's not your dad is it?"

"No." Barbara laughed.

"Okay good, nah it's probably someone whose really important right?" Harley asked

"Oh yeah." Barbara nodded

"Then it's better I don't know." Harley agreed

"Good, anyway; were here." Barbara parallel parked and looked at the storefront beyond the sidewalk. "Wait, it's a sex shop?" she asked in disbelief

"Yup." Harley smiled

"How's this gonna make me trust you?" Barbara asked

"Once you go sex shopping with a woman, trust me, you'll know why I'm keeping you around, come on." Harley exited, and Barbara sighed, and reluctantly did the same.

**There you go! More to come!**

**PEACE!**


	3. Sex Shop Solace

**And now 3!**

**Chapter Content: kissing, sex toys, implied sexual deviance, no sex**

**Numbervania: I'll try to edit better, thanks!**

**Bloodshark: There's gonna be some Ivy, and Joker's reaction will also be coming up soon, I'll see about adding more. **

**Chapter 3: Sex Shop Solace  
**

All Barbara could do was stare up at the sex shop sign as her right arm was pulled by Harley. She pulled the dazed redhead to the door, and stopped for some air. Barbara could hardly believe she was about to go sex shopping with Harley Quinn...of all people.

"Wow, you're heavier than you look." Harley wiped some sweat from her forehead. "So this is it, what do ya think?" she asked

"Huh-what-?" Barbara asked still very dazed. Then she snapped herself from her trance "Oh yeah. Were really doing this aren't we?" she asked

"Well, you want me to prove my loyalty to you right?" Harley asked in a sing-song voice

"Yes." Barbara sighed realizing her blunder

"Well...this'll prove once and for all, I'm never going back to Joker ever again." Harley insisted

"Me and my big mouth." Barbara said to herself, then stopped them both from entering "Lemme just say one thing before I become scarred for life by entering that store." she insisted

"Go for it."

"What do you see in me anyways-that you don't see in Joker?" Barbara asked

"I'll let you know later, right now we have deviant items to procure, let's go-"

"Wait!" Barbara stopped them again

"Now what?" Harley asked putting her hands on her hips

"Uh, how do I know you're not gonna steal anything from this place?" Barbara asked

"Believe me, once you see the owner, you'll know why no mortal shall dare pilfer from this place...not even Selina. Come on." With no further interruptions, Harley dragged Barbara inside.

The sex shop was unlike any store Barbara had ever dared venture into. Displays of dildos, plugs, strap-ons, whips, paddles and the like lined the shelves, as well as cosplay costumes, sexy lingerie, and other things for one's sexy needs.

At the counter, Barbara noticed the owner, who was reading a magazine. A tall, bullish woman,with short hair, femininely short, but short nonetheless, she had big brown eyes to match her hair. She wore a gray wife beater, and torn jeans. And sported several tattoos. Barbara gulped

"That's the owner?" she whispered to Harley

"Yeah, her name's Henrietta, call her Henri." she whispered back

"I can see why no one steals anything here."

"Yeah but relax, shes such a sweetheart."

Henri looked up from her magazine, after hearing the whispers to notice the unlikely couple

"Quinn...who are you torturing this time?" she scoffed in a thick, soprano sounding voice

"Hi Henri! Look who I brought." Harley cheered, wrapping an arm around Barbara's waist

"Blink twice if you're here against your will." Henri joked

"Heh-heh, no...no-I'm here with Harley...my girlfriend." she gulped

"Yeah that sounded sincere alright." the woman said sarcastically

"Don't mind Babs, shes a little shy." Harley assured her "First time in a sex shop." she whispered

"Sure-sure, so, you actually gonna introduce us or make small talk all day?" Henri asked

"Oh fine, Henri; this is my girlfriend Barbara Gordon, Babs, this is Henrietta Steinway, owner of this fine establishment." Harley explained

"Wait-wait-wait, Gordon...as in Commissioner Gordon?" Henri asked in disbelief

"Yeah, he's my dad."

"And...he's cool letting you come here...and more importantly date that?" Henri asked a tad nervously

"Hey!" Harley pouted

"He doesn't know." Barbara explained

"And were keeping it that way." Harley insisted

"No kidding, the last place I wanna be is snatch licking some bull dyke in Stonegate cause I sold the Commissioner's daughter sex toys." Henri crossed her arms

"Hey, what about me? I'm off to the gallows if he finds out." Harley insisted

"Alright! He won't find out, I promise." Barbara assured them both, more or less Henri

"Hmm." the owner scratched her chin "How do I know you're not wearing a wire?" she asked

"Believe me, I checked this morning." Harley winked

"I'll bet." Henri walked back behind the counter "Don't let the scary appearance fool you kid, I'm a softy on the inside."

"See what I mean?" Harley asked Barbara

"Okay." Barbara admired the women's ink "I like the tats."

"Thanks, my brother's a tattoo artist, I get a very generous discount. So; enough small talk, what do you two want?" she asked

"Well, I'm sorry, I just wanted to chew the fat with an old friend, is that so wrong?" Harley asked

"Only for you Quinn, it's never easy with you and I'll always admit it, when it comes to crazy, nobody does it better." Henri smirked "But, if it's a discount you're searching for, maybe you can help." she reached behind the counter, and plopped down a Walter PPK pistol "It's my boyfriends, he busted it somehow, and...well it's kinda pissing me off too, he says it's the firing pin, but I think it's something else."

Barbara raised an eyebrow

"Boyfriend?"

"What's that supposed to mean?" Henri asked with a slight bit of venom in her voice "Just cause I look like this I automatically have to date girls? Well I do." she admitted "I'm bi, but I prefer dudes, strap-ons are cool and all, but they're no substitute to the real thing." She smiled

"Uh-huh." Barbara nodded, answering the question she was asking herself since she came in

"Fixed it!" Harley cheered

"Well that was quick. What the hell was wrong with it?" Henri asked

"You had a casing jammed, should work fine now." Harley handed Henri her gun. "Alright, let's talk turkey, we need toys."

"Oh now you want to get serious, you want I should help you?" Henri asked with a hint of sarcasm

"Honey, Henri can help me look at the toys, you can look at the costumes." Harley giggled scratching Barbara's chin

"Okay." Barbara sighed, anything to get away from looking at the "toys"

She leered at the wide array of costumes and lingerie for sexual role play games. The redhead was quick to discover they even had costumes of Batgirl, Batman, and the like. However, there were a few that did catch her eye. Her horny mind was kicking in, where suddenly all of this felt right. She picked out her costumes and headed back for the counter

"I'm ready." she called for Henri

"I'm coming." Henri approached the counter while Harley kept picking out a few things. "Nice choices." she rang her up "Twenty bucks even, friend discount."

"Wow, thanks." Barbara happily paid and got her costumes bagged.

"Ooh, costumes, how kinky." Harley chuckled "What did you get, come on; you can tell me." she cooed seductively, gently caressing the redhead's stomach

"Nuh-uh, not till later." Barbara insisted

"Oh poo, you're no fun." Harley scoffed sarcastically "Alright H, what do I owe ya?" Harley asked

"Ah screw it, on the house, now I don't have to listen to Evan bitch and moan 'bout that damn gun, that's it's own reward, but you owe me a drink." Henri insisted

"I'll make it two." Then Harley put her arm around Barbara's shoulder "Or three?"

"I uh...think I can skip on the alcohol for awhile." Barbara said sheepishly

"Suit yourself, come on you can drive me home."

"No problem." Barbara agreed

"Bye Henri!" Harley waved

"Stay outta trouble, like that's possible." The short haired girl shrugged

"Believe me, I'll see what I can do." Barbara assured the woman.

Harley had her arm wrapped around Barbara's waist as she led her out to the car. The two...lovers threw their bags in the back, and Barbara couldn't wait to drive away, even though she couldn't un-see the things she saw in that store.

"I assume you know where Red's humble abode is?" Harley asked raising a promiscuous eyebrow

"Oh yeah." Barbara nodded "She won't mind you just dropping in?"

"What's to mind I do it all the time, and besides before you and I got kinky last night, I dropped my stuff there anyways...kinda sucked that it rained, go figure." she shrugged

Barbara parked out in front of Ivy's place, which of course was an abandoned garden complex of some kind on the outskirts of town.

"Well, were here." Barbara said

"We sure are." Harley said writing something down on a slip of paper "Call me, I know you will." she cooed. She placed the note inside of Barbara's skirt, and then laid a passionate kiss on her lips. When they released Barbara said something not in the proper moment

"Um...thanks for that."

Harley could tell she was uncomfortable

"Gee, do you think we may be going too fast with this?" she asked

"You took me sex toy shopping, I will never be able to forget those images, but...I'll admit it, you...really seem to like me, and your so sweet-you even found out my secret and you didn't wanna kill me." Barbara reminded her

"Hmm-hmm, you're just lucky you're so cute." Harley playfully stroked Barbara's chin.

"Well...we m-may be going too fast...one part of me really likes you Harley...the other half isn't quite sure yet." Barbara said honestly

"You want me to let you in on a little secret?" the clown girl asked

"Go for it."

"The Harleen in me is really happy were doing this...But the Harley Quinn in me wants to wring out yer little neck." She said with a hint of venom." Barbara gulped "But every time I look at you, I know the Harleen in me is too strong." she stroked Barbara's cheek "That's all thanks to you."

The redhead blushed, and she tried to hide it, but Harley knew

"And I think the Barbara Gordon, really likes me too...But Batgirl wants me to put me in handcuffs, is that it?"

"Well, since you put it that way." Barbara shrugged, looking away

"I think it'll take some adjusting, but I'm sure you and I can make this work." Harley said rubbing Barbara's leg, she blushed again

"Ha-ha-ha, h-h-h-how can I say no to that?" she asked

"Good...cause if it wasn't for you I don't know what condition I'd be in." Harley sighed

"But you have Ivy." Barbara insisted

"Yeah Red's good in all...but you're like the first person who really wants me to get away from the joker, you see me as more than just a criminal, hired muscle...or a f*ck buddy, you see me as...me. And I'll always love you for that."

"Alright..." Barbara held Harley's hand "Then we will make this work...for you...and for me."

To Harley's surprise Barbara leaned in, and placed a kiss on the blonde's lips, Harley quickly returned the favor and the two were at it again, ramming into anything within the confines of the car, they haven't even gotten into it that much since the previous evening, and they were sober this time. But, they eventually released from one another

"Before you go." Barbara said taking a deep breath "Why do you REALLY think I'm the one for you, there has to be another reason."

"There is...but I can't tell you...not yet anyways, I wanna keep you guessing." Harley gave Barbara another quick peck on the cheek "Be sure to call me."

"Oh I will." Barbara nodded

"Good, byeeeeeeee."

Harley took her bag of goodies, and departed from the car, walking towards the front porch. Barbara started her car again, and headed in the direction of Wayne Manor. She was convinced she could make her and Harley work as a couple, but she could use a second opinion, just to be sure.

"There's only one person I can depend on right now...I sure hope he can help."

**There it be, more to come BYSIEEEEEEEEEES!**


	4. Beef Wellington

**Alright, so super sorry it's taken me so long to update, but I've been busy with stuff and such, sigh; c'est la vie. **

**Chapter Content: Rhetoric of sexual deviance, violence, no sex**

**Negaduck: The lemon is coming, don't you worry**

**Bloodshark: The reactions are gonna be a little...Chasing Amy-ish, but I'll try and make them funny**

**Chapter 4: Beef Wellington  
**

Harley closed the door to Ivy's lair, a place that is cluttered with botany equipment, but many species of rare plants. Other than that, the place just resembled any ordinary house...if ordinary is the word being sought. Ivy was in the living room, sprawled out on her couch watching a movie on a crappy 20" TV. "Harley?" she asked

The clown girl quickly turned around to see the green skinned girl look up from the couch "Oh, hey there Red." she said nervously

"From the looks of the bags you've left, somebody needs a place to stay." Ivy began, looking back at the TV "Because I bet that same somebody for the umpteenth time walked out on Mr. Happy-or were you thrown out this time? You've done it so much it's all hazy to me."

Harley rolled her eyes playfully and made her way to the kitchen to pour herself a glass of something. "Not this time Red, I'm done with the Joker."

This time Ivy rolled her eyes, and turned to the blonde girl making herself right at home. "Yeah right, this time tomorrow you'll be talking about him again, maybe a week later you'll be talking to him again, a few days after that you'll say how much it was your fault, and by the end of that day you'll be right back in his psychotic arms where you will be used as his hench-wench/sex toy until he goes completely berserk-where in some feat of defiance you leave him to cool off, and then we start the process all over again." Ivy paused, looking back at the TV "Harley-girl I love you, more than I've loved any human being on this earth, but you know damn well until you take some sort of action against him, that's what's going to happen...and unfortunately-"

"I shot him." Harley interjected in Ivy's speech

"You shot him-what?" Ivy did a double take after realizing what Harley said, she turned back to the blonde. "You...what?"

"I shot him." Harley retorted, finishing her drink. "I didn't kill 'im er nothing, but he won't be walking anytime soon I can tell ya that much."

Ivy was speechless, out of all the times Harley had left Joker, she had never done anything this defiant, perhaps the redhead thought, there was a glimmer of hope within her. "You did?" Harley nodded "Well, come on, tell me all about it, I'll admit it borderline arouses me whenever I hear you stick it to that pasty face jerk." Ivy said licking her lips, and making room on the couch "Tell me everything."

Harley took a seat on the couch, making sure not to cuddle with Ivy, unknowing of how her new lover would take that. "Well it goes something like this..."

_...Flashback..._

_Harley's POV_

It was late last afternoon, Joker was busy making modifications to his perfect Joker-bot of something like that, while I slaved away trying to make dinner and press his jacket and all that stuff, while at the time I thought they were labors of love._"Puddin' I was thinking I would try and cook us something new for dinner, what do you say?"_

The creep hit his head on some part of the robot, which of course caused him to go into a semi fit of rage...guess who he took it out on? It wasn't the robot I could tell you that. _"Yeow! Erg, you pinheaded nincompoop can't you see I'm busy making perfection here?" he growled_

"_Oh I'm sorry Puddin, I know you're working hard and everything so-"_

"_So shut up and let me do that!" he interrupted, going back to work "I swear, you college educated kids are dumber than advertized, four years of gen-eds, drinking, reefer smoking, and 'popping a __molly', 20 IQ points die...40 in your case!" he said, glaring at me for the punchline._

I just laughed, not knowing how to take it _"Ha-ha-ha-ha, good one Mistah J! Popping a molly-ha-ha-ha-your such a kidder!"_

"_Yeah-yeah." he groused "But, and I'm sure I'll regret asking, but what did you have in mind to make?" he asked _

"_I was thinking of making beef wellington." _

"_Beef welling-what? Who am I Prince Charles? Is this Windsor Castle? Is the rest of the royal family coming over for crumpets and tea?" he yelled...angrily_

"_Um...n-n-n-no." I retorted_

"_Exactly! I am the Joker! This is our shitty lair in Park Row! And if anyone's coming to dinner, it's my brand new, prized possession, my new Joker-Bot!" he slowly became more happy_

"_You did such a nice job on it Puddin', I can't tell which one is the real you."_

"_Well that's because you're an idiot Harley. Besides, this work of art was made by my genius which is why it is perfect, no thanks to you! But I swear I even amaze myself, this could be a new era for crime in Gotham. Bat-breath has trouble with one Joker...but with two, the city will be mine!"_

"_You mean ours right?" I asked sweetly_

"_Yeah-yeah, just stick to your streamer blasting gun-or that bag of gags-or whatever it is you do." he ordered "Now as for dinner, I demand a meal fit for a king-NOT beef wellington, you can hardly cook waffles-now you want to cook actual meals? Walk before you crawl." _

I shrugged that off too, going back to ironing his shirt _"No problem Mistah J, I'll get right on it, cause I love you very much." _Then I walked over to give him a kiss _"Cause I know that deep-deep-deep down, you love me too, right?"_

He pushed me away _"Just make my supper, I'm peckish." he ordered_

"_Coming right up." _I scrounged around our cupboards to find anything to make food, while he stared at his precious robot.

"_I want the Joker-Bot to go on a trial run tonight, to see how he fairs with Guano-Man and his Guano-Children. I swear, every time I turn around there's another one patrolling the streets like they're Jon fucking McLane!" he turned to me "And then there's you! Ya know Harl, sometimes I lay awake at night watching you hog all the blankets, while I force myself not to strangle you, that I wonder why I even keep you around...sometimes you serve your purpose, others; you fuck up and go cry to that plant thing you whore yourself with."_

My blood started to boil a little with that comment, but I managed to keep my cool, and tried to make dinner _"I'm sorry for hogging all the blankets Puddin', I'll try harder not to-"_

"_Sometimes I just think all you mean to me is sex...not even good sex." he interrupted staring at the robot "It's unfortunate about the only thing that robot can't do is be a sex doll...course now I'm wondering which would be more useful in bed." he continued_

"_Oh but I love having sex with you Puddin'."_

"_Well that makes one of us-and by the way Gordon Ramsey, this isn't the governor's ball, make it snappy!" he ordered_

"_I'm coming, I'm coming." I assured him _

"_Humph, if you had no vagina you'd be virtually worthless to me to me now that I have my beautiful robot."_

Now the blood was at a simmering boil, you know that point where my eyes start to squint a little and my teeth grind together? Something like that. Somehow I managed to keep my cool up and I just made us a couple of TV dinners. _I'm glad you like your new robot...Puddin."_

"_Yeah he'll be so great, but Bats' opinion is what really matters to me-not yours!"_

I sat down with our food _"Yeah I know, you've told me before-but dontcha think it'll be nice, the robot can do all that dirty work, and you and me can finally stop all this Bonnie and Clyde hoo-ha, settle down, and maybe raise a family of our own...wouldn't that be just so precious? Huh Puddin'? _But then something weird happened, briefly; he froze...his eyes went wide...he looked scared _"P-P-Puddin? Mistah J?" he rose_

"_No Cheryl...I-I'm sorry-I'm trying I'm...really-I'll find a job-it's dammit! Do you know what it's like?"_

It almost seemed like he was having a flashback _"Cheryl please don't get testy with me, you know I hate that! Sal isn't paying me the money he used to! I had to go halfway around the fucking world to whack that Beaumont guy, and he barely gave me enough to cover the air fare! I know I need to think of you and the baby I'm trying Cheryl really-really I'm trying! WHY CAN'T YOU SEE I'M FUCKING TRYING! CHERYL! CHERYLLLLLLLLL! . . .D-don't leave me p-p-please."_

He always used to scare me when he went off on tangents, but this one was different, after all these years, I had finally pressed the right button...or rather, the wrong button; but after that, his sadness turned to bitter anger, once he stopped crying and came to _"P-Puddin?" he looked at me_

"_But nothing I did was ever good enough...Nothing Jack did was EVER good enough. Jack, quit the mob, think about me and the kid! Jack, fuck that stand-up comedy bullshit and get a real job! Think about me and the kid! Jack, stop running up bar tabs, think about me and the kid! Well, all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy." he looked at me with that sinister grin. "All work and no play...makes Joker...a dull boy!"_

"_AHHHHH!"_

So he grabbed me, and well; I'll uh, skip the beating I'm sure you could imagine how that ended up, but when he took a few moments to cool off, the whole place was in shambles, and he was standing right above me. _"Never talk to me...about a family...again. I'm just going to have to make sure you won't, unfortunately Harley, the only way to do that, is to cut your dirty little mouth off!" _he walked away for a few moments, where I had to act _"Now where did I put my favorite dagger-[click]-huh?"_

He turned around to see me, pointing a gun at him, he put on a face of scorn and put up his hands _"Fuck, alright Harley-alright, were all way too hot right now, just put down the gun, and we can talk about this, alright, let's talk...[bang]-AH-Fffffffffffffffuck! Oh fuck!"_

I shot him in the left kneecap, and he fell to the floor, his hands gripping his wound _"Well, go on! Finish it! Kill me! Do it!"_

"_I don't wanna kill ya Joker...not now, but I'm done. I'm fucking done...for years I've been your obedient little slave-for years I've put up with your yelling, violent fits of rage, putting me down...turning me into a criminal...but I was able to look past all that. And no matter how much you hurt me I always came back to you, I always thought maybe-just maybe, there was hope for you-for us! But I don't see that hope anymore; I see...a pathetic excuse for a man...for a father...a husband-a clown, and I don't wanna be put through that torture anymore. I thought being this person I could help you, despite all your short comings-I loved you. But that's gone...all gone. I'm done with you." _I dropped the gun, and looked for my things to pack

"_You little ffffffucking whore! Don't think ffffor one ffffucking sssssecond that thisss is over!" he yelled in pain "I'll find you Harley! I know you're going over Pammy's house cause you're so ffffffucking predictable!"_

"_Whatever! You ain't gonna be doing much walking for awhile!"_

"_I have henchmen Harley! And they will look over the globe to see you have your end! And Ivy too! And anyone you come across! You'll pay for this! I'll see to it that you do! Whether or not you decide to come back to me...and you might even-if you think I've been rough on you now...just wait until I find you!"_

"_You'll never find me, and if our paths cross, or if I see you lay one finger on Ivy...or anyone, I'll kill ya!"_

"_Challenge accepted." he smirked_

"_Goodbye Joker...forever!" I grabbed everything I could, and left as he luahged maniacally_

"_Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-AHA-HA-HA-HA-HA-AHA-HA-HA-HA-HA!"_

_...Reality..._

No ones POV

"I dropped my stuff off here and I...went to go get myself a drink, I spent the night-at a hotel." she said trying to avoid the subject of Barbara.

"Well Harley, I have never been more proud of you in my life!" Ivy gave her a hug "So, let's say we christen this new single life of yours, with really-really-hot naked sex-where you can tell me how great you felt pulling the trigger on that bastard!" Ivy cooed, crawling towards Harley.

She had to think on her feet, and not give away the fact she was now in a relationship with Barbara Gordon. "Uh, no thanks Red, I'm-a-[yawn]-I'm bushed." she got away from Ivy, who fell over after trying to smooch the blonde girl.

"You're tired...too tired to have sex with little old me?" Ivy asked

"Um-ya know Red, I uh-it's not you-I'm uh...j-j-j-just a little tired, ya know from yesterday; I had a very sleepless night." Harley said nervously, Ivy smirked, starting to get the idea

"Sleepless? Uh-huh, well since you obviously didn't sleep here, where did you sleep, hmm?" she asked

"I told ya Red, at a hotel." Harley reiterated sweetly

"Mm-hmm, and what was the name of that hotel hmm?" Ivy asked

Harley froze, wishing she could remember that hotel chain where they always keep the lights on, she could hear Tom Bodett's voice saying it, but she couldn't find the words. "The answer you're searching for in your brain is Super 6 Harley, now; something tells me you had your own little date last night, now I wanna know who it was." Ivy stood, and drew closer

"Uh-nobody Red."

"Than why won't you have sex with me hmm? There is someone else I can smell it on you, tell me Harley who is it?"

This time, Harley backed into one of Ivy's vines, which tied her up, so she couldn't get away "Was it Eddie? Croc...so help me if it's Harvey!"

"Alright fine Red, ya caught me!" Harley cringed

"Now tell me Harl...who...is it?"

**And on that cliffhanger, we go to Barbara next, R&R! And thanks for waiting!**


	5. Cleared Conscience

**Okay, here's another one!**

**Chapter Content: Rhetoric of sexual deviance, masturbation, fingering, kissing, oral, rim**

**Numbervania: Oh it's no problem, I love sharing things! …That came out weird**

**Chapter 5: Cleared Conscience **

Barbara drove , and occasionally sped casually towards the outskirts of Gotham Estates, where she knew the one person who could help her in this most difficult, complicated, and otherwise overly serendipitous of matters. 

Alfred

She knew that the old man knew enough in his years to give her good advice, despite the fact that he would be living with literally the absolute last person she would want to tell this new secret of hers, that half of her body really was not even sure it wanted to go through with this. "This is so wrong." Barbara said to herself "I mean, it's with a girl; Harley Quinn no less." she groused "I can't do this, Bruce will find out eventually-he finds out everything, not to mention he could even know already."

She kept driving toward Wayne Manor, not being able to shake Harley out of her mind. As Barbara tried to fade the thoughts away, the stronger they became. "No! Erg! Dammit! I-I can;t like her, even if-even if I am keeping her from the Joker-I'm no lesbian! I'm-Dick and-er-she was so soft-NO! ERG!" Barbara gritted her teeth "Fuck! I, don't need her!" she tried to assure herself "I don't need that crazy psycho I-I-I...Fuck."

Of course, the part of Barbara that wanted Harley was still too strong, and demanded catharsis, promptly. Barbara kept driving but used her free hand to go inside her pants to...remind her of the evening the two had together.

_...Flashback..._

"_Lemme show you what girls really do at slumber parties."_

_With the two completely naked, Harley fell onto Barbara, laying on her bed, and the two locked lips, yet again, sharing a wet, and very passionate kiss "MMMMMMMMMWAH!" Harley was the first to speak "So, have you-h-have you-have you been a b-bad li'l Batgirl?"_

"_Oh yes Harley, so bad." And the two continued to kiss. "Let's see if you can fuck me harder than my stupid ex-boyfriend." she said in a frisky voice. _

"_Well, I can arrange that."_

_The two continued kissing, while Harley played and fondled with Barbara's breasts. _

_. . ._

"Oh Harley-oh ffffffffuck that feels good."

. . .

"_That feels so good." Barbara cooed_

"_Well if you like that, I'll bet you'll like this even better."_

_Harley kissed Barbara's body all the way down until she stopped at her pink slit, she licked her lips, and slowly went at lapping on her labia. "Ugh!" Barbara moaned feeling the clown girl's tongue on her pussy. "Harley, not so-erg-yeah! Right there!" Harley continued to lick her outer sugar walls, which were getting wetter by the second "Uh-uh-uh-uh!"_

_. . ._

"Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh yeah."

. . .

"_Erg-oh-oh Harley, yes-YES!" Barbara moaned. Harley had continued to lick Barbara's outer walls but the blonde grew wary of just licking the outside, she wanted it all, so with one long tongue jab, Harley pierced through Barbara's pussy, causing an audible yelp from the redhead "UH!"_

"_Mmmmmmm-mmmmm-mmmm." Harley moaned as well savoring the taste of Barbara's pussy juices. Her eyes peered up to see Barbara's moaning face, looking right at her, and not protesting one bit, something the drunken clown girl could get used to._

_. . ._

"Fffffffuck, oh baby, yes...yes!"

. . .

"_Fuck-ffuck-fuck me-fuck me-oh yeah-fuck!" Barbara was nearing critical mass as Harley continued to tongue fuck her cervix. The redhead was about to burst, until Harley decided to stop, she pulled out of Barbara. "H-hey, why you stop?" a saddened Barbara asked "I-I swear is not that time of th-the month for me." she slurred._

"_I know, but I don't want you to cum just yet baby, I want you-you to make me-that's me, cum first." Harley winked, straddling the redhead, and inching her body closer to Barbara's mouth. "Alright Bratgirl, open wide, hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm." Harley slurred with a little venom in her voice. As Barbara opened, Harley went right over her mouth, with her pussy entirely covering Barbara's face. "Come on Batzy, fuck me, show me what you can do with your tongue."_

_. . ._

"Hmm, so good-fuck."

. . .

_Barbara was a little hesitant but quickly savored the blonde's sweet taste, and she started to lick her sugar walls, while a, drunken Harley starred down at the redhead. "Yeah, do you, fuck-have any idea how long I've wanted Batgirl to be beneath my pussy, this is-fuck me-this is a dream come true." Barbara's tongue began to pierce through Harley's pussy "Yes! Lick me bitch! Lick me!" _

"_Mmmmmm-mmmm-mmmm-mmm." Were the only noises to be heard. _

_Harley liked seeing Barbara beneath her pussy, but would normally not be this dominate, considering she had way too much to drink. Yet still something seemed missing. The idea snapped in her ehad, and Harley used her right hand to reach down, and with graceful precision, she inserted two fingers into Barbara's dripping wet pussy. "That's more like it." she said_

"_MMMMM-MMMMM!" Barbara moaned louder._

"_Uh-uh-uh, no cumming for you yet, but you can make me cum whenever you want, and the sooner you do-do it, the sooner I get off of yer face."_

_. . ._

"Mmm-so good, yes-ffff-yes!"

. . .

_Harley picked up the pace in fingering Barbara's pussy, but was feeling close herself, really close actually, it seemed as if Barbara was also picking up the pace with her tongue, and it was turning the blonde criminal on in so many ways, she was ready to burst. "Mmm-oh yeah, oh I'm so super close, and by the feel of things, so are you-hmm-hmm." Harley chuckled "Yes-yes-fuck-yes-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-ooooooooh!" and just like that, Harley came. _

_She came, and all over Barbara's face no less, forcing the redhead to swallow of of her cum, to wit Harley enjoyed very much. "Yeah, drink it bitch, swallow all of my delicious cum." It seemed like it was all over, but not quite._

_. . ._

"Oh yeah-oh yeah-oh yeah."

. . .

_After Barbara licked all the cum from her face, she was quickly turned over by Harley who had gotten behind her this time, grabbing, kneading, and massaging her perfectly round ass cheeks. She wasn't done yet. "Now, I have to make you cum, and you're so close." Harley cooed. "So close."_

"_Do it Harley, do it!"_

"_With pleasure." Harley grabbed Barbara's ass, causing her to raise it in the air to meet Harley's face. She first licked Barbara's dripping wet snatch, but moved upwards to her pink puckered asshole. "I bet you've never felt this kind of pleasure before." and after a few outer licks, Harley's tongue penetrated Barbara's ass._

_. . ._

"Erg-Harley-n-not there-oh, so close though!"

. . .

_Harley tongue fucked Barbara's ass as the redhead moaned in pleasure, this was definitely a feeling she hadn't felt before, but wanted to again, she was close, and Harley could definitely sense it. "Oh Harley-Oh Harley-Oh Harley! Deeper-f-fuck me deeper! Erg! Oh-Erg-I'm gonna cum-I'm gonna cum-I'm gonna cuuuuuuuuuuuuuum!"_

_. . ._

"Oh-FFFFFFFFUCK!"

. . .

_The two collapsed on the bed, completely tired and exhausted, and with no more words spoken, they found the strength to crawl and cuddle under the covers, and eventually black out, where the sexy night would end._

_. . ._

Barbara finally came back to her senses, to realize she had literally masturbated herself to Wayne Manor, where she reached her climax in the drive way, she took her hand out of her panties to see it dripping in her juices, but; her conscious was clear, after that bit of remembrance, she knew she needed Harley, all that was left was a second opinion from the butler.

Barbara wiped her hand off, and saw Bruce's work car parked inside the gate, she knew Bruce was still home, so with quick thinking she parked her car between the outer gate and a wall of the manor, not in the view of Bruce's car or the driveway whatsoever.

She exited, and sneaked her way to the front door, she jiggled the handle to see that it was unlocked, she let herself in, and heard what appeared to be Alfred and Bruce arguing not in her view. She quickly went elsewhere to find a place to hide, not to mention listen in.

"You really want my opinion sir?"

"As a matter of Alfred, yeah I would!" Bruce demanded

"How long have you known me?" the butler asked

"Is that a trick question?" Bruce retorted "My whole life, you used to change my diapers for fucks sake."

"Exactly, in all the years you've known me, what have you known to be my current daily morning schedule?" Alfred asked

"Uh, wake up, take a shower, make breakfast, and wake me up; why?"

"Because sir, you've forgotten one important item on that list, before I make your breakfast, normally consisting of toast and bandages, I take a stroll down to the cave to make sure the computer is as it should be, I run a few diagnostics, maybe a quick virus scan, occasionally a game or two of solitaire, the usual." he explained

"So, what's your point?" Bruce asked

"Master Bruce, I've been in that routine for many years now, I don't mind it that's not where this is going, but do you want to know what I most look forward to in all of that?"

"No Alfred, I guess I can't say I do."

"In the two minutes it takes me to walk from my room to the clock, I take those two minutes to wonder, maybe; just maybe, today is the day I pull on the pendulum, and the clock doesn't open, because then I will know that is the day, you hang up the cape for good, and close the caves, for then you will realize the city, no longer needs Batman, but simply Bruce Wayne. Those happy moments are of course shattered once the clock opens."

"Alfred, you don't understand this city-"

"No Master Bruce, I don't think you understand, but I don't want to stand here and bore you with the details, you have a day job to get to." he insisted

"Thank you." Bruce then departed from the manor, and Alfred waited until he heard the car pull out of the driveway.

"How much of that did you hear Miss Gordon?" Alfred asked, a moment later, Barbara fell out of the closet she was hiding in, along with a few items in the closet.

"But-er-how did you?" she stammered

"I didn't spend 18 years in MI6 not listening to breathing in closets. James Bond can kiss my ass." he smirked "So, what brings you here?" he asked as Barbara stood up.

"Um, actually I wanted to see you."

"I figured as much, why else would you go out of your way avoiding Master Bruce...albeit you did a sub-par job of it."

Alfred directed Barbara to the living room where he had a spot of tea on the coffee table. "Tea?" he asked

"Oh thank God yes." Barbara cooed falling back on one of the chairs as Alfred poured her a glass of tea "Thanks."

"So, what's on your mind?" Alfred asked, sitting across from Barbara

"I could ask you the same thing." Barbara said, noting the incident from earlier

"Oh that, please; as you children will so rightfully put it: same shit, different day. Today was just a little more poetic, I took it from that scene in Good Will Hunting, though I meant what I said." he explained taking a sip of his tea. "But I assume you are here to talk about you and Master Dick? You took my advice, no?"

"More or less, I do have to tell someone...but not about Dick. I uh...was feeling crummy last night so I went to the bar at the basement of my building for a drink." she began

"I bet I know how this story ends." Alfred sighed "What was his name?"

"Um-I'm sorry?" Barbara stammered, getting more images of Harley in her head.

"His name? The fella I'm sure you slept with last night? Or can you remember?" Alfred asked

"Oh, well." Barbara looked away nervously

"Do you think you will need a pregnancy test in the near future?" Alfred asked

"Nope." Barbara said flatly

"Okay that's a good start, so; did you remember his name yet?"

"Well...yeah I remember a name."

"Was it a girl?" Alfred asked, getting a small nod from the redhead.

Barbara remembered her vow to Harley as well, not telling anyone, plus she was still a little too embarrassed, not to mention she was still a little too horny "Barbara, if you want my help you have to tell me her name."

"Alfred I-I just can't er-it's too complicated, more complicated than you could ever imagine, you would never never-"

"Was it with Miss Kyle?" Alfred asked as Barbara's heart sank, it would only be a matter of time before he got to the right name at this rate "Miss Isley perhaps?" This time Barbara stood up, ready to leave "Miss Quinn?" But this time she stopped in her tracks, she paused and then continued to the door. "You're secret's safe with me, Master Bruce will never have to know!" Barbara was really close to the door at this point. "I mean it, and when you're actually willing to talk about it, you know where to find me!" Those words did make Barbara feel a little bit better. But as she was about to leave she heard Alfred call "One last thing, is she really a softy on the inside?" Barbara turned around with a slight smile.

"Yes."

Alfred nodded, as Barbara closed the door behind her. She headed right to her car, quickly realizing she had her own day job to get to, hoping she wasn't too late, she peeled out of the driveway, as Alfred watched her go.

"Something tells me shes in for a bumpy ride." he said to himself.

**Yay another cliffhanger! Hope you enjoyed guys! And I HOPE you recognized Alfred's Good Will Hunting/The Dark Knight Rises references...they still make me cry :'(**


End file.
